I have sat down many times in the last several months trying to come up with a new post. I either haven't had much to say, or the things I could say are not organized enough. So just a little update will do.
Doug and I still miss Donovan. Everyday I still wish he was living in my house with me and I wish we had celebrated a "real" 2nd birthday last week. We have a good life here; we have good friends, good family, good jobs, good house, fun pet. We really try not to complain too much and enjoy the good parts of our life.
Today was my 3rd due date that came and went with no baby. Our second miscarriage (3rd pregnancy loss) occurred in April. In keeping with the original purpose of this blog, I'll now do a quick FAQ of the things people have started asking me about:
Q. What are the doctors telling you?
A. Not much. In my province, the "rule" in healthcare is that you have to have 3 losses before you get referred to specialists, and before they'll do any investigating into what is causing the losses. Even though the way we lost Donovan was not a miscarriage, it still just counted as 1 of the 3 required losses before I could get some extra medical help. So it was only this past April when I could finally "qualify" to see the doctors who specialize in this. They all have big waiting lists. I am now on them.
Q. What do you think of the "3 losses before we help you" rule?
A. #$&*#%#!!!!!!!!!!!! It's crap.
Q. What have you been doing in the meantime?
A. While waiting on these lists I've been seeing a Naturopathic doctor. This has been a life changing experience. Plus, they have no waiting lists, and their solution for everything isn't "take drugs." I am learning how to balance natural medicine as well as mainstream healthcare, and understand the benefits and shortcomings of both systems.
Q. Would you consider adoption?
A. I'm not sure and will give it more thought later, if necessary.
Q. Do you think your pregnancies were too close together?
A. No. Although it sounds crazy to say I've been pregnant 3 times in 2 years, all of my pregnancies were spaced at least 8 months apart, which is 7 months more than the doctors told me to wait. They all agreed that there is no benefit to waiting more than a month after a loss to conceive again.
Those are some of the things people have been asking me about. I wish I had a different story to tell today, one of backache and stretch marks and swollen feet. There might be a new story around the corner for me, when I can get some answers from the medical people...but maybe not. Chronic miscarriage (yes I now qualify as "chronic") is very mysterious, many people never get answers to why it's happening to them.
Thank you to everyone who remembered my son last week on his birthday, November 3. Happy Birthday son, I love you.
Happy supposed-to-be-birthday to baby#3. You were going to be the best birthday present ever for your Daddy. This will still be our special day to remember you.